Kryptonite

Kryptonite

As we live our lives we all get these experiences of Kryptonite. This is always in various stages in our life.

This could be in one of more of the following:

• ·         Career / Business
• ·         Relationships
• ·         Love
• ·         Personal  heartache
• ·         Illness
• ·         And so much more.

Listening to the song Kryptonite by “3 Door Down” http://youtu.be/xPU8OAjjS4k  I realised again that I have these pieces of Kryptonite that I fear, these pieces are mainly a mental block to all I want to still achieve.

I need to as I do with my physical challenges due to the Multiple Sclerosis I need to make a decision regarding what pieces of Kryptonite I can just dispose of or which ones do I need to get a work around.

I was fortunate that I was and am supported by my company and friends to help with the career pieces but this decision was a decision that was a process over time. I am thankful for all that have and are still supporting me.

Relationships and love I do feel this is the piece that is the hardest piece to deal with as there are always the emotional and the Intellectual combination of this. It has taken me years to accept the passing of the Mother of my children and surely the love of my life. This in itself is a piece of Kryptonite as there will always be a comparison made or questions asked in my mind am I doing right to the other person. So walking away is always a safe option, not the correct one but safe.

During my illness I experiences pieces of Kryptonite weekly, as it is the weakening of a limb, eyesight being a challenge, losing sensation in my hands or just the everyday pain. But I have realised if you take each piece and manage it for what it is then it all becomes manageable and in the end it does work out.

So I am hoping to continue daily weekly breaking down my Kryptonite so that I can continue down this journey I have taken. I do believe that we all as people can live the life that we want for ourselves and for our loved ones.

Thanks again to all for making me breakdown the hold that “Kryptonite” has on me.

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.  For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

Author - Unknown

We can let go....

As I have started this journey I was not sure where I was hoping to go with it. I knew that like any journey it starts with the first step.

So now that after the past months and weeks where I was going through my own way of clearing the past and working through some real challenging relapses almost on a daily basis I just was blessed by so many things.

The day that I actually made time to take Maria home, she has been looking after me and the kids for 7 plus years I had that sense that there is no equilibrium in the life as we know it.; I was taking Maria home with old clothes and a bed and so much more that we where disposing of as if it was old stuff. Her whole family was so pleased with what we have delivered as they could use it.

It brought the words of Koos Kombuis and his song African Skyline so much back to reality. That this continent we live in and that we love is the harshest place on earth. While some are fighting for love and hunger the rest are just not seeing the picture.

For me to have started a journey of a drifter with no to little personal position, a camera bag, a tablet and back packers pack my eyes have learned what I have never wanted to learn.

It makes me think of the days as boys where we would play on the dump site and create our own toys. As that is how we did it those days in the industrial community we where in. We where the outcasts as we where those kids. The ones the parents warned you about but through sport we could prove ourselves as the masters. But that started creating the winning is not everything but is the only thing behaviour.... And that is and was also a sad day.

As my son and myself was clearing out the house we had David coming to us and removing some unwanted stuff from our house. And I will never forget that at the end he was holding Jean's and my hands and telling us like in nature the big birds would go and find the food and bring it back to the smaller birds to feed, he was comparing Jean and myself as the big birds bringing food home to his family. We (Jean and myself) was not sure if we should cry or hug this man. As I am sure it is a lesson that we will never forget.

So now I know that this journey with its new direction and living each day as it comes is actually worth it.

What legacy?

So we always have a feeling that we need to achieve something that we forget to take a break or to just take care of ourselves.

Having been going through weeks of relapses and treatment and tests and decided to get rid of almost all my earthly positions life just opens up to a reality of what it is about. I always had questions why "Oom Cor"  did what he did.  He had the vision to see beyond his pain and his heartache and made the choice to live a life.

He lived a life where he leaves a legacy behind, not a legacy of wealth and riches but a legacy of embracing people and touching people's hearts. I have this feeling that most people are hoping for a legacy of wealth. I hope that as the world did not come to a end that we as people will be thinking about the legacy we will be leaving behind.

As I am sitting on a patio and watching how the African summer rain falls from the sky and how the water naturally cleans everything in its way.  I realise that I also needed to get myself cleaned. As the summer rains cleaning is a process so do I need to follow a process.

Reading the book" It's your time" by Joel Osteen I have learned and am learning as I go along.  A Quote by the author is:

"Enjoy the journey.  There will always be another dream, another goal, another challenge. "

Let us all just build a legacy of love and caring!

As our walls tumble

We as people can overcome everything if we have peace in our heart.

So as we live our lives we have these times that it feels that all the walls around us are tumbling. These walls that have given us hope and security for our live as we know it. As these walls tumble brick by brick, layer by layer we experience some of the most severe pain,  both physical and Always emotional.

We try with all our might to keep these bricks up to keep these walls that are "Protecting"  in place. But the Bricks keep on falling and we stay focused on keeping these walls in place.

But we can't keep up the fight with these walls, as each brick crashes down we fell the pain and we build up anger. With this anger and pain we experience each brick more intensely.

As we are fighting the fall of the walls we don't just take a deep breath and stand back to see what is happening.

I have been blessed that I was forced to take that deep breath and just stand still. In the past 48 hours I was blessed by collapsing down some stairs. I was to proud to walk with my support braces and met mother earth on a tar mat. Lucky I only picked up some scratches...

Eventually sitting in my car and trying to get myself together the picture fell into place.... I needed not to fight anymore the collapsing of the wall. I should use these bricks that have fallen and stand on them and look beyond these walls,  as there it was the most beautiful surroundings of nature and blessings.

So I realised that I needed to first come down (Hard)  to mother earth to lift myself from where I was fighting each brick instead of using it to see what is on the other side.

So I hope with this in our mind we can all enjoy our blessings that await us if we just reach out for it. Use the bricks to build a ladder over the wall that is keeping us in closed.

Tuesday with Morrie - a year on

A year ago a dear friend of mine took me to a Afrikaans version of the book Tuesday with Morrie by Mitch Albom. What a special birthday gift by someone so special.  Now a year later reading the book again there are so many life lessons to learn from this book,  as with the play the book also brings tears to my eyes.

How can I use the knowledge and humanity that is captured in this literature to change myself.

As I have those bad MS days I have so much to be thankful for that I must and will be making changes in my life that is the correct decision for my kids and my family and my friends.

I have been informed about how people globally are helping me, currently the detail is still very unclear but it is a blessing that I can't explain. Thanks to those involved. I will be using this help to reach out to people close to me.

A Quote from the book is as follows:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

Let us all make small changes as this will create at the big change.

Angel of Miracles

Trusting in life’s everyday miracles

So in days like this that I am reminded that people around me bring me so much Hope. It makes me also think why am I so blessed in my life by people from 11 000 km away. People that have had their own Heartache and Sorrow have sent me the following:

Angel of Miracles

Trusting in life’s everyday miracles

www.willowtree.info

Thanks for bringing so much love and blessing into my life. This will always have a special place in my Heart and my Home.

New Tidings

What a honour and blessing to come to the end of year and look back on all the great experiences one has had.

This being a year that started with the reality of my career has come to a end and that my life will be changed. The uncertainty off this dark journey was overwhelming.

But now looking back at the year I have tears of joy in my eyes. How can one explain the following :

Stop your career as it is the correct decision, with the great support from my global SAP family.
Receiving glasses that can assist you in the day to day life experiences.
Successfully having Chemotherapy with the support of friends holding your hand.
Having Prosthetic supports made for your legs that I could walk 3 km on the beach with close friends.
Receiving the news that my mom will return home after being extremely ill for almost 5 months.
Having a friend run the Dublin marathon on my behalf a day before your birthday.

So looking at this I have had a year with blessings that have been given to me by people that will always be close to me emotional and spiritual. It is just amasing that due to the technology the world has become a small world.

Below just a quote for the moment :

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."

- Mary Anne Radmacher

Thanks to all for this journey.