New Phase

Hi there all buddies I have been somewhat quite for reasons I needed to be. I have just launched the next phase of my journey please register and continue my blog and the "Enriching Life's" program
http://hadders.co.za/
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The Puzzle of Life

Good day all thanks again for the support all.... I have taken some time off but I am back.

So during the past week I was again brought back to reality and started looking at my own personal life and what has happened. this created various emotions:

• Anger
• Sorrow
• Happiness
• Sadness
• Upset
• Nervous
• Stressed
• Contentment

With all of this running in my head I was not sure how to look at this. But I started the process as I do. All the “W” questions:

• Who is it about?
• What happened?
• When did it take place?
• Where did it take place?
• Why did it happen?

And the other question:

• How did it happen?

With this running in my head I started to gather information and information, but also forgetting information as we with MS do. So I continued working with all this information for days and weeks on end and realizing I was going nowhere.

Then I realised that the information was creating my own Puzzle of life my experiences, my pain, my joy, my anger, my happiness.

Then I started building my puzzle, as I do it is easy to put the pieces that are already joined down. When that was done I started the outside border. But this created a huge battle as I could not get the border worked out, so after a while of battling with the borders I decided I need to just stand back and have a look at what is going on. 

And then it struck me there is not one puzzle, I have a number of Puzzle's that I need to complete, one for each phase or process or what we what to call it of our Life journey.

And so I started the puzzle building of my life. This is the most interesting puzzling I have done as I could work on more the one puzzle at a time. It was also interesting to see that some of these puzzles are actually interlinked with each other.

Then there was the realisation that some of the pieces of these puzzles where missing and I need to go and look for them. I did find some but I Realised that as my journey continues I will be getting those pieces that are missing.

Now looking at the Puzzle I see so much more but I also still see that I have piece missing but the best and exiting part is that there is a pile of pieces left one side that will create a new puzzle or a new Dimension to my Journey of Life. 

So let us all build our Puzzles and enjoy them!

“It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone.”

― Marilyn Monroe

Losing Battle

As we all have lived our life's we do have those battles that we continue to struggle with. These battles could be in our personal live, work related, love life and so it does continue.

So for me having the Battle with Multiple Sclerosis has been my biggest losing battle to date, as every day is a blessing but also a challenge. As every day is a blessing and it is great to spend time with friends and family.But then there is the battle that is always with you and the fun part of the battle is that it changes from day to day.

The one day it could by that I am having Optic Neuritis  and my eyes are really painful and there is nothing to do just let it pass by. The next day could be walking down stairs and losing the feeling and balance in my legs. Then it could be a day where you have coffee with a friend and my hands shake so that is can't open the sugar. Then the days where I realise that the feeling in  my hands are getting less and less.

But I have also realised that excepting that this battle is a losing battle and making peace with what will and is happing to me is all part of a bigger plan. Also have knowing that I have no idea what is this bigger plan does bring peace to me.

So I hope that all of us that have Losing Battles can find peace that point of Equilibrium (my favourite word) and really live our life to the full.

Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul.

Ezra Taft Benson

Treadmill

So in general I have been writing about life,  love and peace and my favourite Equilibrium but today it is about me and Treadmill and MS.

So this started on Saturday Evening after a unbelievable birthday bash for a close friend of mine. So the short story is that I was accompanied by a most unbelievable friend that have been with me through the darkest days of my MS journey.

So as the night carried on it started a relapse in my legs,  she was there to make sure that I was never embarrassed by my weakness. When we left she had full faith when I said I was fine in driving the car.  She never made it uncomfortable for me.

It is during times like this that in know I am blessed with my friends that respect me.

I now know that I will be submitted to hospital shortly to assist with this.

Walking on the Treadmill today at gym and focusing on getting one foot in front of the next made me feel alive again.  That the Universe does give us our own Equilibrium we need to just accept it.

Listening to the following it was view that it was fine to accept that we need to move forward with all in our life.

Passenger -  Let her go

With life as a whole from love to pain.

Family

Family

Having been blessed to spend time with extended family for the past week it just made me rethink how lucky I am to have such an amasing extended family.

These last few days made me think about the importance of family and extended family.

I have been thinking how the best to break it down so I will try my best:

F - Friends with this as a base to my family I have been blessed to get through the challenges in my live. I can always rely on them to up lift me from the days that all is well and the days spend in hospital.

A - Approval by this it is not to get approval but that the people around me give me approval for what I do with no hidden agendas.

M - Maturity to accept me for what I am and for what I will be going through in the future. Take me for person with MS I am and to not question what I do or say.

I - Individuality of every person that I have met with during this time.  From the Practise Manager that met me at my worst while having Chemotherapy, the Doctor that was bringing us food during my treatment,  the people that send me the Angel of Miracles from Ireland,  the people sharing a Jameson Whiskey on a road trip through Ireland, people running marathons on my behalf, and so I can continue.

L - Love for every single person that have changed and is changing my life on a daily basis. This is my direct family, my kids,  my brother from another mother 27 years down the line, Doc E for 15 years to the new individual people I have got to know the last week.

Y - Y? To all the people around me to help me with the question why? I have made peace with the question on why? But thanks to the family around me I can except the future and live in the moment.

So with this I want to thank my family for trying to make me a better person.

Thanks

Kryptonite

Kryptonite

As we live our lives we all get these experiences of Kryptonite. This is always in various stages in our life.

This could be in one of more of the following:

• ·         Career / Business
• ·         Relationships
• ·         Love
• ·         Personal  heartache
• ·         Illness
• ·         And so much more.

Listening to the song by Kryptonite by “3 Door Down” http://youtu.be/xPU8OAjjS4k  I realised again that I have these pieces of Kryptonite that I fear, these pieces are mainly a mental block to all I want to still achieve.

I need to as I do with my physical challenges due to the Multiple Sclerosis I need to make a decision regarding what pieces of Kryptonite I can just dispose of or which ones do I need to get a work around.

I was fortunate that I was and am supported by my company and friends to help with the career pieces but this decision was a decision that was a process over time. I am thankful for all that have and are still supporting me.

Relationships and love I do feel this is the piece that is the hardest piece to deal with as there are always the emotional and the Intellectual combination of this. It has taken me years to accept the passing of the Mother of my children and surely the love of my life. This in itself is a piece of Kryptonite as there will always be a comparison made or questions asked in my mind am I doing right to the other person. So walking away is always a safe option, not the correct one but safe.

During my illness I experiences pieces of Kryptonite weekly, as it is the weakening of a limb, eyesight being a challenge, losing sensation in my hands or just the everyday pain. But I have realised if you take each piece and manage it for what it is then it all becomes manageable and in the end it does work out.

So I am hoping to continue daily weekly breaking down my Kryptonite so that I can continue down this journey I have taken. I do believe that we all as people can live the life that we want for ourselves and for our loved ones.

Thanks again to all for making me breakdown the hold that “Kryptonite” has on me.

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.  For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

Author - Unknown

We can let go....

As I have started this journey I was not sure where I was hoping to go with it. I knew that like any journey it starts with the first step.

So now that after the past months and weeks where I was going through my own way of clearing the past and working through some real challenging relapses almost on a daily basis I just was blessed by so many things.

The day that I actually made time to take Maria home, she has been looking after me and the kids for 7 plus years I had that sense that there is no equilibrium in the life as we know it.; I was taking Maria home with old clothes and a bed and so much more that we where disposing of as if it was old stuff. Her whole family was so pleased with what we have delivered as they could use it.

It brought the words of Koos Kombuis and his song African Skyline so much back to reality. That this continent we live in and that we love is the harshest place on earth. While some are fighting for love and hunger the rest are just not seeing the picture.

For me to have started a journey of a drifter with no to little personal position, a camera bag, a tablet and back packers pack my eyes have learned what I have never wanted to learn.

It makes me think of the days as boys where we would play on the dump site and create our own toys. As that is how we did it those days in the industrial community we where in. We where the outcasts as we where those kids. The ones the parents warned you about but through sport we could prove ourselves as the masters. But that started creating the winning is not everything but is the only thing behaviour.... And that is and was also a sad day.

As my son and myself was clearing out the house we had David coming to us and removing some unwanted stuff from our house. And I will never forget that at the end he was holding Jean's and my hands and telling us like in nature the big birds would go and find the food and bring it back to the smaller birds to feed, he was comparing Jean and myself as the big birds bringing food home to his family. We (Jean and myself) was not sure if we should cry or hug this man. As I am sure it is a lesson that we will never forget.

So now I know that this journey with its new direction and living each day as it comes is actually worth it.