Chemotherapy for MS

As part of my journey I decided to take the alternate route to treatment for my Multiple Sclerosis. This was a decision that was taken between my Neurologist and I. We just had a discussion around 18 months ago that the traditional treatment of MS was not going to help me.

I had faith that there was to be an alternate route to having all the side effects from medication day in and day out. As I wanted to have a normal life as far as is possible with the situation I am in. So we decided that we will start Chemotherapy. The solution was to have Campath treatment once a year for three years. As this is an approved treatment for slowing down the breakdown of the Myelin sleeve in the brain.

But as this is still in the early days of the drug to be used the Medical does not pay, I was blessed as last year the company I work for paid all the expenses. This year I was blessed that I received the funds for this from alternate support.

So the question is always does it help? is there an improvement? Well honestly there are a number of answers to this:

• No as I still really have crappy days where all is not well. (But that normally shocks the people so not the correct answer).
• Yes as I do not have the side effects from the other Medication. (But does not answer the question)
• No as I still have MS. (Also not the correct answer).
• Well I need to wait and see what the future brings. ( Such a non answer responds)

But maybe the correct answer is:

I have taken this route and I have faith that this is the correct route for the people close to me and me currently. And that I will walk (maybe not that straight or easy) this route. I also have put my trust in the people close to me to support me during this part of the journey. I have also made peace that I will day by day feel different and have different experiences but that is also my journey that I have chosen.

Then the other Question is: How do you feel during the treatment?

• Cold fever spells during the treatment.
• Injection soars
• Rash like reaction all over the body
• Itching

This is just for the week of treatment and week after then all is back to the normal MS Symptoms like:

• visual disturbances,
• limb weakness,
• muscle spasms,
• loss of sensation, speech impediment, tremors, or dizziness,
• depression,
• paranoia,
• Uncontrollable urge to laugh and weep.

So in short this is my journey currently with Chemotherapy and MS and I do believe that it is all in the Mind and that we will continue to have the fight to overcome MS with my loved ones by my side.

“My body could stand the crutches but my mind couldn't stand the sideline.”

Michael Jordan

Life as a Jail

As we traveled through the Free State, it was clear that we create our own Jail in which we seek Peace. Every experience is "another brick in the wall " (as per Pink Floyd), we build on these walls as it creates peace of mind. So during our life we put these bricks up one by one just like a bricklayer. During this, we are so proud of every brick we have laid that we never stand back to look at what we have created. I realised that these bricks have created a strong jail around me protecting myself and brushing other people away.

So I started a Road Trip down south, not sure what to expect, but I knew I had to go.

After leaving Gauteng with iets hustle and bustle and you start seeing the open landscape I realised that I needed to open up my personal landscape of life. Spending time with my daughter and the road I started opening.

I could see in every little town we entered how I needed to do this, it is all part of closing down the past with no shackles or with any regret. I learned from my daughter that new beginnings or experiences is not wrong and don't always have to be questioned.

Then we reached Philippolis, what can I say? So our accommodation for the evening is a jail cell. Small room built with solid walls and the cells go int ao courtyard that is surrounded by very high walls.These walls exclude us from the outside, we did not get to see or chat with the local people. We are also excluded from a amasing moon for most of the night. So this was the final realisation about how I have created this jail of my life, brick by brick. I also realised that this jail was built by none other than myself. It was clear to me how I was excluding people and experiences from my life because I created a false sense of security. I created my own jail from which only I need to open the door.

So I will start opening doors and taking down walls brick by brick.

All part of the journey!

Sand of time

So as we look at the sand dunes in a Desert change shape and alter the dunes with every altercation in the weather and wind, we see this huge mass of sand change into an awe inspiring creation of nature. When the wind alters slightly there is a small but significant change in the shape of the dunes. When there is a huge sand storm we see significant changes in the desert with dunes literally changing sand moving from one part of the desert to the other. During a storm there are natural casualties from animals to plant life.

But then there is Blissful thunderstorm over the desert and the whole landscape of sand and dust changes. All the footprints and tracks from the past is erased. The sand changes into a most unbelievable landscape of grass and flowers.

So a landscape that is harsh changes into a unbelievable piece of flowery landscape. That now creates this feeling of peace and tranquillity to the people that is surrounded by it. You don't see the past footprints of pain and hardship.

And this is how our life is lived we have the harshness of the desert but then we also have the most amasing feeling of peace and tranquillity. But it is our responsibility to use the blessing around us to find it. These blessings come in various forms but the most important one is the people that surround you. The internal peace and positivity brings out the internal peace in ourselves.

While I have learned that with every storm in my life I go through changes and challenges. These create my own landscape from where I always get thunderstorms to change my life to be peaceful and tranquil. The more my life is changed by wind and storms the more i am getting blessed by those wonderful thunderstorms in the form of people that bring the changes I need in full blossom.

And as it is when nature takes it course we always will be fine. So during my life I have learned that with the hardest storm there will be the most amasing rain and thunderstorm that brings the most amasing peace and tranquillity.

So this is the start of some of my storms of changes and people that made me who I am and we all have similar experiences.

The route to peace and tranquillity.