Bitter Sweet

This last number of weeks have been a major realisation as to what life is like.

I was fortunate enough to have been part of a close friend’s wedding.  The whole story of the wedding and how you got there is not my story. But the short 15 years I was blessed to be part of my friend’s life and journey. I learned so much.  I learned about real pain and rejection from my friend and from my own personal experiences.

The details are not important but it took both of us in a pendulum swing, first left then right.  But it was such an experience to be part of their journey and to realise that this universe does create the moment in time where the pendulum will reach equilibrium again and there is peace for all involved. From the couple that got married, the kids that become part of the new family; The parents the family and the close friends that could experience the point of equilibrium.

For me it has been a time to reflect on the similar process.  As I was on a 4 day of Solimedrol (Cortisone Treatment) I had time to reflect on my on pendulum, and I realised that was closer to my point of equilibrium.  But it was clear that I needed to make the decision to get there. The (lets for now call it)   Universe provides us the opportunities to reach each our own point of equilibrium in our life.

We get emotional, stressed and disappointed by so many things around us that are just there to create confusion regarding our point of equilibrium. Personally I was disappointed with people that are not even friends or family or that contribute to any people I care about that I almost ended in high care due to a blood pressure of 171 / 111, I have no knowledge of medicine but with all the lights flashing and people running in I realised it was not a joke.

But then the lights came on and I realised that I was so blessed that when I was getting all the blessing from phone calls, SMS'E,  BBM,  Visitors at hospital, Facebook and Twitter. I realised I was a proud dad of two great kids, Lizzy and Jean, for taking control of their future in times like this, amazing!

I know that we all have our own Bitter and our own Sweet but with the right attention we can get to the point of Equilibrium like a good bottle of Red Wine.

So please for the better of all let us all focus to reach our point of Equilibrium.

That perfect Bitter Sweet moment in our lives! 

Make peace and live in love

As we live our lives we as people have a negative outlook at our lives and what we have. After traveling around South Africa and seeing places and meeting people that I never thought of meeting. You have your hours and days of going back in your past.
Starting the roadtrip at the place that I experienced the most sadness, confused as ever before,  uncertainty and the sense of loss. As we were standing next to the grave and looking at the candle burning in the wind,  the words of Sir Elton John Runs through your head Candle in the wind the version that was played for Princess Diana just few weeks after Gerda.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRL5g9ajgqQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Thinking about that time I still remember a good friend of Gerda saying that at least they will both be in good company.

As Lizzy and myself continue traveling in our own minds and just absorbing the moments of quietness and the odd sound of a beer being oppened and the sound of the rubber on the road. As I  feel the numbness in my hands I have this realisation. 

The moment of "MAKE PEACE AND LIVE IN LOVE " Is born!

We as people need to make peace. The death Of a loved one, the loss of loved ones, death of a child, and Severe or terminal illness, we need to make peace to really live in love.

PEACE IS ABOUT
People - Starting with me myself and I
Emotions - Aceptance, Regret and forgiveness
Action - Reaching out and embracing
Commitment - people love, and unconditional love
Energy - Positive Energy

It's in times like these that you become quite and humbled with what we have.
As we live our lives we all get challenged with OPPORTUNITIES. We have the choice what to do with this what we want to . So we can hide it,  we can ignore it or we can work with it. But the choice is our own.  I have learned that the universe will always give us chance to make PEACE with these opportunities. It has taken me years to realise that we need to live in love, as the world can only be a better place if we are surrounded by love.

But love can only be there if you are at total PEACE with yourselve and all that is around you,  the people and the individual challenges.

As a South African I have been given opportunities to learn,  but as I look back I realised that I still need to learn from all the new and old opportunities that I am surrounded with.

So I feel now that I am learning about making peace and Living in love, life is just getting better.

We as people can overcome everything if we have peace in our heart and truly live in love.

Cross Over (Easter cross over)

So as we cross over to a new year, as we go into one of the most spititual times of the year, we look back at the opportunities we had during the year and we are thankful for a great year.

This year's cross over is surely the most interesting one ever. As the year ended I am thankful for so much. But the most important of the cross over was that I realised that I can only learn from people.  The more time you really spend with people the more I learn about myself.  We need to focus on our internal PEACE with ourselves then we can open up to learn from the people we are surrounded by.

It is amasing to sit next to a unknown person and have him talk about his past pain, and then have him thanking you for being a example for him while I was looking up to him as a example.  And this was clear as we have both made internal peace with who we are and the journey we have taken. We are both saddened by the behaviour of people among us.  The universe was created with good and bad but the bad should not come from us as people, we should only bring out the best in people.  The bad that people bring in our live we need to just cut out.

So have really been blessed by people that makes me grow everyday to try and become a complete person. 
It was a amasing feeling to dance with a friend that months ago we did not expect her to be celebrating the new year with us.  To have the opportunity to dance with her and for both it was a unbeatable feeling to have our bodies move on the beat of the music, although we where both in pain but we worked it and it is special. It is moments like this that no words can explain,  tears in both eyes just excepting the moment.  And also our friends understanding this with no questions and With respect.

So I  really hope that this cross over for all of the people we engage with on a daily basis at work,  in town, in traffic is a process where we will shine out internal PEACE to make all better.
We have the future of our friends,  family, community, continent our world in our control ane we can only do this with internal PEACE and real internal bliss.

So my hope for the 2012 cross over is that we all find our internal PEACE and that we will shine Internal peace to all around used.

My this be the time to find inner peace to us all this is my wish to all my loved ones.

How do we recognise our blessings, or don't we!

As we take a trip down our own lives, our own little trip down memory lane,  what are our views?

As we are running on our own Hamster Wheel and we need to stay focused on getting one foot in front on the next.  And we just need to ensure that we stand on the correct and next step of the wheel. As the wheel starts turning faster we run faster and we focus more and more on our own wheel and our own worries about what is the next step that all that happens around us is but a haze, a cloud of mist.

The sad thing is that some of our most important blessing are within the cloud of mist that is just an arm length away from our hamster wheel. 

In this mist we have our friends, family, loved ones and so much more that we are letting fade away as time goes by.  When the mist has been blown away or cleared by the sun it is gone you might never catch up with the mist again.

But the funny thing is,  if we get off the wheel for some time to enjoy the mist the wheel will still continue rolling along as nature Intended it to.

So it's become clear that it is fine for us to actually enjoy the "MIST" around us that will make us better and healthier as human beings.

So I am sure that if we all start focusing on our surroundings on the "MIST" around us The wheels will still continue Turning,  but that our individual lives and the lives of the people around us will only improve.

That will give us also the focus and energy when we get back on the wheel to make it run even better and faster.  So it is clear that we as people need to agree that the balance of our life is very critical and that we have that decision in our hands.

Embrace the Mist...

Time

So we always have the saying Time Heals all......... but that is utter bullshit,  or is it?

We have all seen time as it runs though the hour glass... and we have our own view of this. Each sand grain could reflect something in our lives or it is just a sand grain.

So time according to Gerrie... this is my personal view due to experiences...
So whom controls time, is it father time, is it us or do we just let time control us?

Time is not really in control, we let time control us because we want it to. I realised this the other night as I Visited a friend of mine, Hubre, we have not seen each other for number of years. And we sat down and we had cup of coffee. Hubre opened the Wine and before we could start I needed to first tell her about the out first time together... after that we chatted we had wine we chatted as we were in control of time. We enjoyed the view from her patio over the Paarl Mountain’s and I enjoyed her company... when I decided to say it is time to I realised we spend 8 hours of quality friend time. Time was not in Control as we decided to not have time control us.

We let time control us, when we in the Rat race where the Rats are winning. We decide to not make time for our friends. And then we blame time.. sorry there was no time, I did not have time... always time’s fault our easy way out.

So time we have broken it down in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks...... how long is a second, how long is a day..... How long is it when we lose someone close to us, really close to us. And really lose, that day when you close the coffin, how long was that second that day that week ....   for me it is continued it never ends there is no time that you can take for this as it never ends. That day, that second is with you for life. So time heels....... well that is a debate.

So time is time it is not just seconds or minutes or hours it is time. One thing is that we need to control it. We need to decide what it is and what it means in your life.

One thing is true that the time we have on this earth we need to make the best of it, we need to enjoy and truly live life. I have been fortunate to restart my life a number of times while on earth, and that is actually a blessing. One thing that we learn with time is that although we are planning the future planning the next day planning time we can’t and we should not. As time goes we are busy crafting our life our future. So is a day a day or is it just the sun passing us by again... this is not proven but I do think that we spend 60 to 70 % planning thinking and then not even doing it. We should life with the view off “rather ask for forgiveness then to have never lived”.

So we ask WIKIPEDIA for time and this is the take from there:
“Time is a part of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify rates of change such as the motions of objects. The temporal position of events with respect to the transitory present is continually changing; future events become present, then pass further and further into the past. Time has been a major subject of religion, philosophy, and science, but defining it in a non-controversial manner applicable to all fields of study has consistently eluded the greatest scholars.”

So easy from their time is a sequence of events, events creating events.... almost likes Newton’s Third Law “For each action (event) there is a opposite but equal action (event)”. This has been like this in my life you lose people, loved ones or friends, but you gain again. So the circle of time goes on. Whenever you have the opportunity you go to Greenwich to see what time does. The ball moves up and then on the hour it slides down again. Is that not time in our lives then we on top then we at the bottom.   But we are in control of it and not anything else.

So now in the life time machine has become a symbol in our life, men are no longer comparing their swords and there swordsmanship with each other. No they are comparing their time machines with each other. They wear it on their wrist as a symbol of success, but in their heart they carry the real pain of Time lost with loved ones.

So in Short what is Time?
Time is not the healer of all, Time is controlling Life, Time creates new beginnings, We as people decide the influence of time in our life, Time is everlasting there is no rush as time will not end.

So for me as Gerrie the following
“I am thankful for Time as it gave me the opportunity to live a number of lives. I could stand up from some of my darkest moments and just Start again. As time goes on I learn that time creates opportunities for what it has taken away. Time makes thing easier but it does not heal. I try to live each day with me being in control of time. So for all of this I am thankful for time.”

Words While Spending Days in Hospital

So while spending Time in Hospital having drugs pumped through you body we have time to think and attempt putting some words down. If have just called it Words 1 to 5 as the the phases in my life. (my kids, my Death of Wife, a separation and the Multiple Sclerosis)

Words 1

So we live

So we learn

So we give

Then we earn

This is our life

We need to accept

With no regret

We should live to Laugh

We need to Laugh with tears

We need to forget our Fears

Live to love

Accept that we must Forgive

Knowing we do not forget

Our life is a Blessing

So we live Life

Words 2

So life starts

With eyes of stars

From Parents and God Parents

From the baby in a loving mothers arms

And a dad with dreams and fears

So a life is given to a new and uncertain Family

Not having any idea of any changes that will happen to the family

Some really great experiences

That brought tears of joy as we lived these experiences

And we as a family of four we lived in a house

No not a house but a home

A really loving home with real experiences

Not that the home did not have its crosses

But we carried each our own cross

And made it work by joining our crosses.

But then came the day of divine intervention

The day of the biggest separation

One has ever planned for.

On a lovely August after noon she was taken from us

Ripped out of the heart of many of us

From Kids, Father, Step Mom, Parents in Law and husband

And so many loved ones friends, Teachers from the community, friends and Children

So this was life changing

But as we think this is the worst no this was the start of the new life.

Words 3

The new life starts

A great life with love certainly

With uncertainly of love

With support for all

With helping to kill the pain

But also just covering the Pain

With the illusion of wealth

With the illusion of health

But like all pain it has to get out and it did

Ended after 7 years of covering up

And ended in a quick separation

And this was an interesting separation

But as agreed long over due

The separation meant the lost of a mother to 2 children

The lost of another set of god parents to 2 children

And the lost of friendships

But after 7 years this is now fine

Words 4

Then the new found Single life

The life with so many M’s

A life with Twins

A life with lot of friends for what reason

But after time they came clear the reason

For each and every one

We made friends

We lost friends

We hurt people

We got hurt by people

We made real life friends

We still walk the road with some of them

We cry with them

We love with them

And you really love them

They are the ones that just uplift us

They the ones that carry us

You meet people from 20 years ago

You met people from 14 years ago

Then there are those that you would see over a conference table

And those you could meet over a conference table

Those that you meet by eye contact

Those you will meet during “Purple Rain” (by Prince formally known as Prince)

Those you will touch during “Belong to you” (by Anastasia)

People you will meet at a wedding

People that you would great at a wedding

People that you meet at Greek Easy

And then become soul mates for life

Then you lose people because of Stuff

You accept that it was just stuff

This was the most interesting, fun and painful time of one’s life

But that also makes our Life.

Words 5

This is currently my personal life

This is my life

We all get challenges in life

But there is always the one that is really from left side

So 26 months ago I was diagnosed with MS

What the hell is MS when will it end this MS

But as time goes you realise it is like people in your life

There are those symptoms that are friends that stick around

Then those Symptoms that will just be there for some time

Then those that have been there for Years

and will be there for years

Then one day you realise that this is the end of the road

There is a T junction in the Road

You have to make a decision on this road

Still be the brave and strong one

Or make the correct decision on this one

There will be no turning back

As you wake up each day and realising that the pass is the pass

Every day you are weaker

Your legs are weaker

Your arms are weaker

Your sight is weaker

Your life is weaker

You thank your friends

You thank your Family

You Thank the ones u Love

You regret the ones you lost

This is a personal journey

This is the Gerrie Journey

And realise that your personal strength can only take so much

And a change is not submission

It is for the better to the people around you

You’re Kids, Family, Friends and Loved ones

Every day is a challenge

You not sure what to expect

But there are still so much to be positive about

And that is what makes us, create it

Thanks to all for the support all small SMS’s , email, a coffee,

Chocolate at hospital, just saying hi.

We have so much to be great full about

Just find it and live it

And those BlackBerry chats from Cape Town and Philadelphia

Thanks

When is enough really enough!

So it’s interesting travelling through all the small towns and villages during the trip and spending time with the local people and communities. I have learnt so much. I have seen that us people from the cities have forgotten what life is about.

We (city people) have this ‘gather syndrome’, we have to gather so called ‘wealth’ in the form of cars,property, the right colour credit cards and anything else that the Jones’ have. Then spending time in rural South Africa I am learning that there is a different view of wealth.

As I sit in this small local Restaurant in Brandfort in the freestate and I look outside and see how proud the people are with what they have and with who they are. The community is making it work, Everybody is working and making a better life for themselves and the family and the community. The Afrikaans restaurant owner that is also the chef and the husband of the Russian waitress is proud of the community and shared with us the history of the town. The local people are all supporting them. In the other corner of the restaurant was four local business men, also enjoying lunch and planning the next business transaction.

Outside people are walking and kids are playing in a very peaceful environment. It is clear that people are proud of the town as there was no to rubbish laying around. If I look at our bigger cities, where we are all chasing that thing called wealth, we don't even see the mess we live in, or we just say "Can't someone clean it up" as we are too busy or too important to actually make a difference.

I have learned from the people that we are in a situation that might not be our ideal dream life but at least we should make it the best life we have. Not just for ourselves as individuals but also for the people around us, like family and the community.

If we all can just accept our personal situations and try to improve what is around us, this place we live in will be such a better place.

So I have learnt, by just taking time and making real peace with what we have. It is really great we do not always have to be better than anybody we just need to be a better self.

We need to have our own inner Peace!

It makes me think of the immortal words of John Lennon.

“Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one

I hope some day you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people sharing all the world

You, you may say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one

I hope some day you'll join us

And the world will live as one”