What legacy?

So we always have a feeling that we need to achieve something that we forget to take a break or to just take care of ourselves.

Having been going through weeks of relapses and treatment and tests and decided to get rid of almost all my earthly positions life just opens up to a reality of what it is about. I always had questions why "Oom Cor"  did what he did.  He had the vision to see beyond his pain and his heartache and made the choice to live a life.

He lived a life where he leaves a legacy behind, not a legacy of wealth and riches but a legacy of embracing people and touching people's hearts. I have this feeling that most people are hoping for a legacy of wealth. I hope that as the world did not come to a end that we as people will be thinking about the legacy we will be leaving behind.

As I am sitting on a patio and watching how the African summer rain falls from the sky and how the water naturally cleans everything in its way.  I realise that I also needed to get myself cleaned. As the summer rains cleaning is a process so do I need to follow a process.

Reading the book" It's your time" by Joel Osteen I have learned and am learning as I go along.  A Quote by the author is:

"Enjoy the journey.  There will always be another dream, another goal, another challenge. "

Let us all just build a legacy of love and caring!

As our walls tumble

We as people can overcome everything if we have peace in our heart.

So as we live our lives we have these times that it feels that all the walls around us are tumbling. These walls that have given us hope and security for our live as we know it. As these walls tumble brick by brick, layer by layer we experience some of the most severe pain,  both physical and Always emotional.

We try with all our might to keep these bricks up to keep these walls that are "Protecting"  in place. But the Bricks keep on falling and we stay focused on keeping these walls in place.

But we can't keep up the fight with these walls, as each brick crashes down we fell the pain and we build up anger. With this anger and pain we experience each brick more intensely.

As we are fighting the fall of the walls we don't just take a deep breath and stand back to see what is happening.

I have been blessed that I was forced to take that deep breath and just stand still. In the past 48 hours I was blessed by collapsing down some stairs. I was to proud to walk with my support braces and met mother earth on a tar mat. Lucky I only picked up some scratches...

Eventually sitting in my car and trying to get myself together the picture fell into place.... I needed not to fight anymore the collapsing of the wall. I should use these bricks that have fallen and stand on them and look beyond these walls,  as there it was the most beautiful surroundings of nature and blessings.

So I realised that I needed to first come down (Hard)  to mother earth to lift myself from where I was fighting each brick instead of using it to see what is on the other side.

So I hope with this in our mind we can all enjoy our blessings that await us if we just reach out for it. Use the bricks to build a ladder over the wall that is keeping us in closed.

Tuesday with Morrie - a year on

A year ago a dear friend of mine took me to a Afrikaans version of the book Tuesday with Morrie by Mitch Albom. What a special birthday gift by someone so special.  Now a year later reading the book again there are so many life lessons to learn from this book,  as with the play the book also brings tears to my eyes.

How can I use the knowledge and humanity that is captured in this literature to change myself.

As I have those bad MS days I have so much to be thankful for that I must and will be making changes in my life that is the correct decision for my kids and my family and my friends.

I have been informed about how people globally are helping me, currently the detail is still very unclear but it is a blessing that I can't explain. Thanks to those involved. I will be using this help to reach out to people close to me.

A Quote from the book is as follows:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

Let us all make small changes as this will create at the big change.

Angel of Miracles

Trusting in life’s everyday miracles

So in days like this that I am reminded that people around me bring me so much Hope. It makes me also think why am I so blessed in my life by people from 11 000 km away. People that have had their own Heartache and Sorrow have sent me the following:

Angel of Miracles

Trusting in life’s everyday miracles

www.willowtree.info

Thanks for bringing so much love and blessing into my life. This will always have a special place in my Heart and my Home.

New Tidings

What a honour and blessing to come to the end of year and look back on all the great experiences one has had.

This being a year that started with the reality of my career has come to a end and that my life will be changed. The uncertainty off this dark journey was overwhelming.

But now looking back at the year I have tears of joy in my eyes. How can one explain the following :

Stop your career as it is the correct decision, with the great support from my global SAP family.
Receiving glasses that can assist you in the day to day life experiences.
Successfully having Chemotherapy with the support of friends holding your hand.
Having Prosthetic supports made for your legs that I could walk 3 km on the beach with close friends.
Receiving the news that my mom will return home after being extremely ill for almost 5 months.
Having a friend run the Dublin marathon on my behalf a day before your birthday.

So looking at this I have had a year with blessings that have been given to me by people that will always be close to me emotional and spiritual. It is just amasing that due to the technology the world has become a small world.

Below just a quote for the moment :

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."

- Mary Anne Radmacher

Thanks to all for this journey.

RIP Brain

On a day like today I am humbled and thankful for knowing the man.

RIP - Brian Twiggs 

"Now what else is the whole life of mortals, but a sort of comedy in which the various actors, disguised by various costumes and masks, walk on and play each ones part until the manager walks them off the stage?"

“Erasmus”

Africa Force

From the Heart on a plane.

As we live our lives we all need to decide what we want from it.  The reality is that it will change direction as we live it.

These changes can happen it various ways.  We meet new people, we loss old friends, we reunite with loved ones, we remember loved ones that have passed on, we fall ill,  we heal.......  And so the list can continue.

But I still believe that we all need to focus on what we want from live but also most important we need to focus on what we will be giving back to live.

It is actually so true that by giving we will receive even more.  By giving I am not talking in any financial terms I am talking about giving from your self, emotional and spiritual.

Personally I have been given this journey to make me realise this. That at the moment when you are financial the lowest point of your live and also know that the future will not improve financially and you are blessed with opportunities to learn from other people. I could allow myself to be a sponge and take up all the emotional and spiritual experiences around me.  These experiences made me force to get live back into that equilibrium that I needed.

"A weak man has doubts before a decision. A strong man has them afterwards."
Carl Kraus

Ourselves

During this current journey I have had so many questions, so much fear and yet I realise the will to continue is by far the strongest.

As we with MS have a battle day in and day out not really knowing what to expect the next day, the next week or not even to think about the future. We wake up every morning with knowing that the fight against MS will and must continue. It is always saddens me when you know that we as people are not meant to have to do this and that that day might come when you feel that the fight now has to stop.

But with this fight we are almost sure to really find ourselves we get to know what we want to do and what we can achieve. It is important that we just need to focus on the fact that our will to win this fight is much stronger than anything else.

The quote below just appealed to me so much.

"I believe humanity was born from conflict. Maybe that's why in all of us lives a dark side. Some of us embrace it. Some have no choice. The rest of us fight it. And in the end, it's as natural as the air we breathe. Some point, we're forced to face the truth...ourselves."

Penelope Garcia

So thanks to all friends, family and MS family that make this fight against MS a Journey and not a Battle Field.

Strongest Soul

We all have our own demons that haunt us and we can choose to overcome them or they us.  So after my walk today with the new Prosthetic legs I realised that it is another demon that I can put behind me.

Thanks to all that have been there for me and supporting me.

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars."
Khalil Gibran

New Beginnings

So as today is a new route on my MS journey I needed to just get the right quote for the day and I got this.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -  Maria Robinson

This was a quote that appealed to me as I did decide some time ago on a new ending but not really knowing what will be the new ending.

So today I started walking with my new legs and I am positive that this will go great towards that new ending.

Quote by Rose Kennedy

"Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?"

This just appealed to me.

Let us enjoy the sunlight that remains.

This one goes out to.... all the other PwMS..

As I sit after a day of almost just relaxing and focusing on all the great stuff around you all the friends and family, it slowly does sinks in. First you just don’t want to accept it but then you realise that it is the case.

I have been hiding it from myself for months that it cannot be happening to me. I am above this and I will overcome all. As I am really excited about getting my legs sorted I am also nervous as what this really does mean.

I have had my legs tested and there is a rapid loss of the control in my legs, so I have started the process to get external limb support made for my legs. The question is will it help, will it change anything? There is no straight answer but we will try.

It is then that that moment you realise that you in a really dark space in your life, Honestly it has been the first time since I have been diagnosed with MS that I am feeling this way.  It does make me think of that black hole syndrome that you need to fight it as once you on the other side it is a whole new Universe.

I just want to state that these days are special days to us PwMS as it is these days that we fight to get through as we do believe that all these battles we are having will only help the people that come after us.

As music is a very important part of my life the following song “Coolio- Gangster's Paradise”

has been playing in my head. This is only as some of the struggle we have relates to this song, we would like to get out of this struggle with MS but we can’t and we have to be at peace with it.

We need to get our own point of EQUILIBRIUM.

Chemotherapy for MS

As part of my journey I decided to take the alternate route to treatment for my Multiple Sclerosis. This was a decision that was taken between my Neurologist and I. We just had a discussion around 18 months ago that the traditional treatment of MS was not going to help me.

I had faith that there was to be an alternate route to having all the side effects from medication day in and day out. As I wanted to have a normal life as far as is possible with the situation I am in. So we decided that we will start Chemotherapy. The solution was to have Campath treatment once a year for three years. As this is an approved treatment for slowing down the breakdown of the Myelin sleeve in the brain.

But as this is still in the early days of the drug to be used the Medical does not pay, I was blessed as last year the company I work for paid all the expenses. This year I was blessed that I received the funds for this from alternate support.

So the question is always does it help? is there an improvement? Well honestly there are a number of answers to this:

• No as I still really have crappy days where all is not well. (But that normally shocks the people so not the correct answer).
• Yes as I do not have the side effects from the other Medication. (But does not answer the question)
• No as I still have MS. (Also not the correct answer).
• Well I need to wait and see what the future brings. ( Such a non answer responds)

But maybe the correct answer is:

I have taken this route and I have faith that this is the correct route for the people close to me and me currently. And that I will walk (maybe not that straight or easy) this route. I also have put my trust in the people close to me to support me during this part of the journey. I have also made peace that I will day by day feel different and have different experiences but that is also my journey that I have chosen.

Then the other Question is: How do you feel during the treatment?

• Cold fever spells during the treatment.
• Injection soars
• Rash like reaction all over the body
• Itching

This is just for the week of treatment and week after then all is back to the normal MS Symptoms like:

• visual disturbances,
• limb weakness,
• muscle spasms,
• loss of sensation, speech impediment, tremors, or dizziness,
• depression,
• paranoia,
• Uncontrollable urge to laugh and weep.

So in short this is my journey currently with Chemotherapy and MS and I do believe that it is all in the Mind and that we will continue to have the fight to overcome MS with my loved ones by my side.

“My body could stand the crutches but my mind couldn't stand the sideline.”

Michael Jordan

Same Moon and Sun

Same Moon and Sun

As we have had the full moon pass us by in the last nights and sitting on my deck I needed to think, why do us people differ so much? We all live under the same moon and sun but yet we do not want to give each other the light of day.

As a human I am blessed with of the most unbelievable family and friends and really blessed with my two Kids that during the years have always been there for me. 

 But as our universe works there is always a flip side to a coin, or as Einstein said for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.

So I do believe that we as humans that live in this Universe with all its beauty and Joy can really make it our mission to accommodate each other, respect each other and appreciate what we all bring to each other. It really does only take a moment of your time to relax and look around you and realise that we can live in Harmony with each other.

From my personal experiences this week it is always the saddist moments when people that are out to harm the ones closest to me are brought to a total stop and yet they still do not think about the people around them, they lost it all but then they ask why does this happen to me. Should the question not be what do I need to do different to the people around me, we are all equal and not one of us is better or greater than the next.

So I ask, as we all live under the same Moon and Sun, let us respect each other with our differences.

“In the end we shall have had enough of cynicism, scepticism and humbug, and we shall want to live more musically.” 
― Vincent van Gogh

In the Blink of an Eye

In the Blink of an Eye

In the blink of an eye our life chances with the loss of loved ones, with a terminal illness, a moment of anger and so we can continue. With most of these moments we can't change the out come of the event. But what we can do is the is to better utilise the time after the event.

As we are we normally spend the time going through the event over and over and over.....

We spend time thinking what we could have done differently, spending time blaming other people, blaming ourselves. We run all possible situations through our minds and role playing what should have happened. All of these times that we think and rerun the past we lose focus on the now and the future.

We miss out on so much due to our own behaviour and our own choice that we then start that cycle again of running through those blink of an Eye moments.

Then there is that moment, could be anywhere, for me it was a show at the Barnyard when I realised that 15 years had past in a blink of an Eye.

So don't let a Blink of the eye moment ,that we can't control, make you realize the time wasted in a Blink of a Eye.

Enjoy and embrace every moment!

IMAGINE

In times like these when it feels that all is lost, the words of John Lennon and the words of Imagine can bring some food to the soul.

In my view of life (and the song) we are on this earth for only one reason and that is to live in Harmony. We are all equal with the same pain and sorrow. If we can make life easier for the people around us our own little world would be so much easier.

I have again learned from my little Equilibrium Story that in the end all will be in balance.
So a little story about My recent Equilibrium experience.

We have had a Bassett with the name of Fred...  What else do you call a Bassett. Fred was part of our lives for years,  has always been by my side.  He was the one that would climb on my bed when was experiencing my fever from my medication, hy always brought joy to all the people around him. But as our world is, there has to be an exception. As I stay in a small estate I had a neighbour complaining about Fred and his barking. 
As I was in hospital for a week of Solimedrol drips I was not home to look after Fred. Lucky I had a great friend that arranged that Fred went to a little Dogs retreat where he can enjoy and bark and howl as much as he likes.

So in this week I was having a cup of Tea with a new neighbour when the other neighbour arrived and during the tea he told us that his fiance has moved out.  At that moment I was sure that I could hear Fred barking and howling and enjoying the moment. But then looking at the man I realised that he is a broken man and I actually had a moment where I was hoping that he has learned from this experience that we as vessels on this earth are made to except, respect and enjoy the people around us. Not one of us are at a higher level than the person next to us.

Let us all just Imagine for a moment...

Imagine

Return to Blogging

Hi all, I have been off the blogging for more than a month and have now again got the right frame of mind to put words on the Blog.

Just in short the last month was an Eye opener regarding how blessed we are and that we need to live our life to the full. It has been a time where things that have happened have brought our family really close to each other. It made me realise that there is always a reason and a positive outcome from all that happens in our lives.

I have in past written regarding the Equilibrium in our lives, and again I have seen it that the Universe will always bring Equilibrium to us all. But we need to allow it to happen. We need to allow ourselves to get to that point. I was in a real Black Hole some days ago asking questions like:

·         Why?

·         How much More?

·         Why me?

·         Do I want to continue?

But lucky I am that I can still swim and really have some Gerrie Time. Every Breath every Stroke is just for me. I am not doing it for anybody but me. As my body gets tired my brain takes over and focuses on the opposites:

·         Why not me?

·         What is the next challenge?

·         What will I continue to do?

And I must say that with every stroke I take I was thinking about my Family, my Friends and just people that have been a motivation and inspiration to me. I want to try going forward to always ask a positive question and not negative.  As with all we know that if we are positive we will all reach that point of Equilibrium where all will be fine.

Some Quotes From “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”

“Everything will be all right in the end.  If it's not all right then it's not the end.”

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, 2011, Dev Patel

“Most things don’t work out as expected, but what happens instead often turns out to be the good stuff.”

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, 2012, Judi Dench 

So I am sure that with us all we will reach our own point of Equilibrium and inner peace but when that gets shaken it will return.

Humbled

After the Week of having the Word MS Day I was so humbled by the events that followed after my attempt to create Awareness for MS.

So I send a mail and put something on my blog to try to do my bit for creating awareness. And then it happened I started getting responses on this. From all over the world from people I know, People close to me, People I have never known, People in the Middle of Africa, and People from Ireland and so I can continue.

With these people sent me mails of blessings and motivation. But then there were those emails that were really personal and opened up my heart. People that where telling me how they appreciated what I was doing but then telling me their deepest and most personal fears. Not to mention names as it is not my place to do but the one mail from an unbelievable Person and Parent regarding her pain as she almost lost her New born daughter due to heart defect. I was Humbled by this as this just made me think about how blessed I am. (Thanks for bringing tears to my eyes and making me feel so blessed)

So thanks for all for your mails, your messages. You will never understand how this helps one get up in the morning to know that there will always be something positive to pull me through the day: a mail, a BBM, an SMS, a Facebook posting or a call.

As I watched the movie last night “The Vow” I also realised the Moments of impact in our life and how it can change our lives as we know it. But I realised that we don’t understand those moments when they happen but as the World we live in there will be the point of Equilibrium that we will look back and understand that those Moments of impact made us better people. Then we can continue our lives by adding value to other people and the loved ones around us.

Thanks to all that made me reach that point of Humbleness.

Let our “Moments of Impact” in our lives create a Positive impact on our selves but most importantly, on those around us.

World MS Day 2012

Hi There,

Thanks for the opportunity to present this to you; an Awareness of MS (And this is not the Software Story)

I have been Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in January, 2009. Since then it has been an interesting and long journey. Currently I have made the decision to get medically boarded.

But this request is not about myself as a person but more about Awareness regarding MS. I have been blogging  just to start creating Awareness of MS and my personal Journey. See attached a link that was relevant to a day in my life at SAP (http://jeanelize.blogspot.com/2012/03/life-after.html ). I was blessed I had the most unbelievable support from number of people within SAP as a whole and I will always be thankful.

But with 30^th of May being the World MS day I would like to create more awareness to people as this is one of those illnesses that due to my personal situation needs to be made aware to our communities. With currently no cure for MS we the PWMS (People with MS) life each day with DreaMS that it will happen.

There are some really informative videos on You Tube like the following:

·         http://youtu.be/6oraM8IF2Gc - The Show Must Go on - Very Informative

·         http://youtu.be/qgySDmRRzxY - What is Multiple Sclerosis

·         http://youtu.be/KtgI9x39nVM - Music Video by Jordin Sparks

·         http://youtu.be/pXWihqmEjO0 - Music Video by U2

·         http://www.worldmsday.org – World MS Day website with 1000 plus faces off MS

I am not a medical expert in this regard I would really like to share what is it Like in a day of a MS Patient, as we all experience it differently but most of our symptoms are similar.  I would like to create more awareness regarding MS as always interesting that people need to understand that although we as PWMS really hate the statement that is “But you look so good” yes we look normal and we act normal but ultimately know that we will never have the Life that we have planned.

Thanks for your support

The Bus

Watching an Episode of House on Universal channel, the end said get off the bus as he was in a coma. When asked why he is on this bus the answer was “I feel no pain. I am not miserable, Wilson does not hate me.”

Is this not some times the bus our PWMS (People With MS) want, just to not feel the pain constantly, to actually feel our hands and not have numbness, can walk without thinking where to put your foot next, just to not have people around you hurting because you’re miserable,.... but then somehow there is a reason for us to be like we are. It is also true that there are people that are worse off than us then we realise we must just carry on and make the best of the situation.

So this Bus we are on is sad, as you realise that there are things that you will not experience or not want to experience due to your pain, not being able to do things with the ones you love.... But this Bus makes us see the pain other people experience and wish we could help them. So my best friend flies hours to go see his kids and they almost ignore him. What is worse my Bus or the Bus of my Friend...I do feel that my bus might be better.

So our lives are all a bus trip and we need to enjoy the scenery and the trip as we not sure how the next bus trip might be. I believe our bus trip should always be enjoyable... we are always the driver of this bus trip we need to take it where it must go. The joy, the pain, the lessons is the fuel for the bus. It fills the bus and also changes the direction that it takes.

So let us all enjoy our individual bus trips but most important make it pleasurable for the people that join us on our bus trip.

So life is a Trip.

Bitter Sweet

This last number of weeks have been a major realisation as to what life is like.

I was fortunate enough to have been part of a close friend’s wedding.  The whole story of the wedding and how you got there is not my story. But the short 15 years I was blessed to be part of my friend’s life and journey. I learned so much.  I learned about real pain and rejection from my friend and from my own personal experiences.

The details are not important but it took both of us in a pendulum swing, first left then right.  But it was such an experience to be part of their journey and to realise that this universe does create the moment in time where the pendulum will reach equilibrium again and there is peace for all involved. From the couple that got married, the kids that become part of the new family; The parents the family and the close friends that could experience the point of equilibrium.

For me it has been a time to reflect on the similar process.  As I was on a 4 day of Solimedrol (Cortisone Treatment) I had time to reflect on my on pendulum, and I realised that was closer to my point of equilibrium.  But it was clear that I needed to make the decision to get there. The (lets for now call it)   Universe provides us the opportunities to reach each our own point of equilibrium in our life.

We get emotional, stressed and disappointed by so many things around us that are just there to create confusion regarding our point of equilibrium. Personally I was disappointed with people that are not even friends or family or that contribute to any people I care about that I almost ended in high care due to a blood pressure of 171 / 111, I have no knowledge of medicine but with all the lights flashing and people running in I realised it was not a joke.

But then the lights came on and I realised that I was so blessed that when I was getting all the blessing from phone calls, SMS'E,  BBM,  Visitors at hospital, Facebook and Twitter. I realised I was a proud dad of two great kids, Lizzy and Jean, for taking control of their future in times like this, amazing!

I know that we all have our own Bitter and our own Sweet but with the right attention we can get to the point of Equilibrium like a good bottle of Red Wine.

So please for the better of all let us all focus to reach our point of Equilibrium.

That perfect Bitter Sweet moment in our lives! 

Make peace and live in love

As we live our lives we as people have a negative outlook at our lives and what we have. After traveling around South Africa and seeing places and meeting people that I never thought of meeting. You have your hours and days of going back in your past.
Starting the roadtrip at the place that I experienced the most sadness, confused as ever before,  uncertainty and the sense of loss. As we were standing next to the grave and looking at the candle burning in the wind,  the words of Sir Elton John Runs through your head Candle in the wind the version that was played for Princess Diana just few weeks after Gerda.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRL5g9ajgqQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Thinking about that time I still remember a good friend of Gerda saying that at least they will both be in good company.

As Lizzy and myself continue traveling in our own minds and just absorbing the moments of quietness and the odd sound of a beer being oppened and the sound of the rubber on the road. As I  feel the numbness in my hands I have this realisation. 

The moment of "MAKE PEACE AND LIVE IN LOVE " Is born!

We as people need to make peace. The death Of a loved one, the loss of loved ones, death of a child, and Severe or terminal illness, we need to make peace to really live in love.

PEACE IS ABOUT
People - Starting with me myself and I
Emotions - Aceptance, Regret and forgiveness
Action - Reaching out and embracing
Commitment - people love, and unconditional love
Energy - Positive Energy

It's in times like these that you become quite and humbled with what we have.
As we live our lives we all get challenged with OPPORTUNITIES. We have the choice what to do with this what we want to . So we can hide it,  we can ignore it or we can work with it. But the choice is our own.  I have learned that the universe will always give us chance to make PEACE with these opportunities. It has taken me years to realise that we need to live in love, as the world can only be a better place if we are surrounded by love.

But love can only be there if you are at total PEACE with yourselve and all that is around you,  the people and the individual challenges.

As a South African I have been given opportunities to learn,  but as I look back I realised that I still need to learn from all the new and old opportunities that I am surrounded with.

So I feel now that I am learning about making peace and Living in love, life is just getting better.

We as people can overcome everything if we have peace in our heart and truly live in love.

Cross Over (Easter cross over)

So as we cross over to a new year, as we go into one of the most spititual times of the year, we look back at the opportunities we had during the year and we are thankful for a great year.

This year's cross over is surely the most interesting one ever. As the year ended I am thankful for so much. But the most important of the cross over was that I realised that I can only learn from people.  The more time you really spend with people the more I learn about myself.  We need to focus on our internal PEACE with ourselves then we can open up to learn from the people we are surrounded by.

It is amasing to sit next to a unknown person and have him talk about his past pain, and then have him thanking you for being a example for him while I was looking up to him as a example.  And this was clear as we have both made internal peace with who we are and the journey we have taken. We are both saddened by the behaviour of people among us.  The universe was created with good and bad but the bad should not come from us as people, we should only bring out the best in people.  The bad that people bring in our live we need to just cut out.

So have really been blessed by people that makes me grow everyday to try and become a complete person. 
It was a amasing feeling to dance with a friend that months ago we did not expect her to be celebrating the new year with us.  To have the opportunity to dance with her and for both it was a unbeatable feeling to have our bodies move on the beat of the music, although we where both in pain but we worked it and it is special. It is moments like this that no words can explain,  tears in both eyes just excepting the moment.  And also our friends understanding this with no questions and With respect.

So I  really hope that this cross over for all of the people we engage with on a daily basis at work,  in town, in traffic is a process where we will shine out internal PEACE to make all better.
We have the future of our friends,  family, community, continent our world in our control ane we can only do this with internal PEACE and real internal bliss.

So my hope for the 2012 cross over is that we all find our internal PEACE and that we will shine Internal peace to all around used.

My this be the time to find inner peace to us all this is my wish to all my loved ones.

How do we recognise our blessings, or don't we!

As we take a trip down our own lives, our own little trip down memory lane,  what are our views?

As we are running on our own Hamster Wheel and we need to stay focused on getting one foot in front on the next.  And we just need to ensure that we stand on the correct and next step of the wheel. As the wheel starts turning faster we run faster and we focus more and more on our own wheel and our own worries about what is the next step that all that happens around us is but a haze, a cloud of mist.

The sad thing is that some of our most important blessing are within the cloud of mist that is just an arm length away from our hamster wheel. 

In this mist we have our friends, family, loved ones and so much more that we are letting fade away as time goes by.  When the mist has been blown away or cleared by the sun it is gone you might never catch up with the mist again.

But the funny thing is,  if we get off the wheel for some time to enjoy the mist the wheel will still continue rolling along as nature Intended it to.

So it's become clear that it is fine for us to actually enjoy the "MIST" around us that will make us better and healthier as human beings.

So I am sure that if we all start focusing on our surroundings on the "MIST" around us The wheels will still continue Turning,  but that our individual lives and the lives of the people around us will only improve.

That will give us also the focus and energy when we get back on the wheel to make it run even better and faster.  So it is clear that we as people need to agree that the balance of our life is very critical and that we have that decision in our hands.

Embrace the Mist...

Time

So we always have the saying Time Heals all......... but that is utter bullshit,  or is it?

We have all seen time as it runs though the hour glass... and we have our own view of this. Each sand grain could reflect something in our lives or it is just a sand grain.

So time according to Gerrie... this is my personal view due to experiences...
So whom controls time, is it father time, is it us or do we just let time control us?

Time is not really in control, we let time control us because we want it to. I realised this the other night as I Visited a friend of mine, Hubre, we have not seen each other for number of years. And we sat down and we had cup of coffee. Hubre opened the Wine and before we could start I needed to first tell her about the out first time together... after that we chatted we had wine we chatted as we were in control of time. We enjoyed the view from her patio over the Paarl Mountain’s and I enjoyed her company... when I decided to say it is time to I realised we spend 8 hours of quality friend time. Time was not in Control as we decided to not have time control us.

We let time control us, when we in the Rat race where the Rats are winning. We decide to not make time for our friends. And then we blame time.. sorry there was no time, I did not have time... always time’s fault our easy way out.

So time we have broken it down in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks...... how long is a second, how long is a day..... How long is it when we lose someone close to us, really close to us. And really lose, that day when you close the coffin, how long was that second that day that week ....   for me it is continued it never ends there is no time that you can take for this as it never ends. That day, that second is with you for life. So time heels....... well that is a debate.

So time is time it is not just seconds or minutes or hours it is time. One thing is that we need to control it. We need to decide what it is and what it means in your life.

One thing is true that the time we have on this earth we need to make the best of it, we need to enjoy and truly live life. I have been fortunate to restart my life a number of times while on earth, and that is actually a blessing. One thing that we learn with time is that although we are planning the future planning the next day planning time we can’t and we should not. As time goes we are busy crafting our life our future. So is a day a day or is it just the sun passing us by again... this is not proven but I do think that we spend 60 to 70 % planning thinking and then not even doing it. We should life with the view off “rather ask for forgiveness then to have never lived”.

So we ask WIKIPEDIA for time and this is the take from there:
“Time is a part of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify rates of change such as the motions of objects. The temporal position of events with respect to the transitory present is continually changing; future events become present, then pass further and further into the past. Time has been a major subject of religion, philosophy, and science, but defining it in a non-controversial manner applicable to all fields of study has consistently eluded the greatest scholars.”

So easy from their time is a sequence of events, events creating events.... almost likes Newton’s Third Law “For each action (event) there is a opposite but equal action (event)”. This has been like this in my life you lose people, loved ones or friends, but you gain again. So the circle of time goes on. Whenever you have the opportunity you go to Greenwich to see what time does. The ball moves up and then on the hour it slides down again. Is that not time in our lives then we on top then we at the bottom.   But we are in control of it and not anything else.

So now in the life time machine has become a symbol in our life, men are no longer comparing their swords and there swordsmanship with each other. No they are comparing their time machines with each other. They wear it on their wrist as a symbol of success, but in their heart they carry the real pain of Time lost with loved ones.

So in Short what is Time?
Time is not the healer of all, Time is controlling Life, Time creates new beginnings, We as people decide the influence of time in our life, Time is everlasting there is no rush as time will not end.

So for me as Gerrie the following
“I am thankful for Time as it gave me the opportunity to live a number of lives. I could stand up from some of my darkest moments and just Start again. As time goes on I learn that time creates opportunities for what it has taken away. Time makes thing easier but it does not heal. I try to live each day with me being in control of time. So for all of this I am thankful for time.”

Words While Spending Days in Hospital

So while spending Time in Hospital having drugs pumped through you body we have time to think and attempt putting some words down. If have just called it Words 1 to 5 as the the phases in my life. (my kids, my Death of Wife, a separation and the Multiple Sclerosis)

Words 1

So we live

So we learn

So we give

Then we earn

This is our life

We need to accept

With no regret

We should live to Laugh

We need to Laugh with tears

We need to forget our Fears

Live to love

Accept that we must Forgive

Knowing we do not forget

Our life is a Blessing

So we live Life

Words 2

So life starts

With eyes of stars

From Parents and God Parents

From the baby in a loving mothers arms

And a dad with dreams and fears

So a life is given to a new and uncertain Family

Not having any idea of any changes that will happen to the family

Some really great experiences

That brought tears of joy as we lived these experiences

And we as a family of four we lived in a house

No not a house but a home

A really loving home with real experiences

Not that the home did not have its crosses

But we carried each our own cross

And made it work by joining our crosses.

But then came the day of divine intervention

The day of the biggest separation

One has ever planned for.

On a lovely August after noon she was taken from us

Ripped out of the heart of many of us

From Kids, Father, Step Mom, Parents in Law and husband

And so many loved ones friends, Teachers from the community, friends and Children

So this was life changing

But as we think this is the worst no this was the start of the new life.

Words 3

The new life starts

A great life with love certainly

With uncertainly of love

With support for all

With helping to kill the pain

But also just covering the Pain

With the illusion of wealth

With the illusion of health

But like all pain it has to get out and it did

Ended after 7 years of covering up

And ended in a quick separation

And this was an interesting separation

But as agreed long over due

The separation meant the lost of a mother to 2 children

The lost of another set of god parents to 2 children

And the lost of friendships

But after 7 years this is now fine

Words 4

Then the new found Single life

The life with so many M’s

A life with Twins

A life with lot of friends for what reason

But after time they came clear the reason

For each and every one

We made friends

We lost friends

We hurt people

We got hurt by people

We made real life friends

We still walk the road with some of them

We cry with them

We love with them

And you really love them

They are the ones that just uplift us

They the ones that carry us

You meet people from 20 years ago

You met people from 14 years ago

Then there are those that you would see over a conference table

And those you could meet over a conference table

Those that you meet by eye contact

Those you will meet during “Purple Rain” (by Prince formally known as Prince)

Those you will touch during “Belong to you” (by Anastasia)

People you will meet at a wedding

People that you would great at a wedding

People that you meet at Greek Easy

And then become soul mates for life

Then you lose people because of Stuff

You accept that it was just stuff

This was the most interesting, fun and painful time of one’s life

But that also makes our Life.

Words 5

This is currently my personal life

This is my life

We all get challenges in life

But there is always the one that is really from left side

So 26 months ago I was diagnosed with MS

What the hell is MS when will it end this MS

But as time goes you realise it is like people in your life

There are those symptoms that are friends that stick around

Then those Symptoms that will just be there for some time

Then those that have been there for Years

and will be there for years

Then one day you realise that this is the end of the road

There is a T junction in the Road

You have to make a decision on this road

Still be the brave and strong one

Or make the correct decision on this one

There will be no turning back

As you wake up each day and realising that the pass is the pass

Every day you are weaker

Your legs are weaker

Your arms are weaker

Your sight is weaker

Your life is weaker

You thank your friends

You thank your Family

You Thank the ones u Love

You regret the ones you lost

This is a personal journey

This is the Gerrie Journey

And realise that your personal strength can only take so much

And a change is not submission

It is for the better to the people around you

You’re Kids, Family, Friends and Loved ones

Every day is a challenge

You not sure what to expect

But there are still so much to be positive about

And that is what makes us, create it

Thanks to all for the support all small SMS’s , email, a coffee,

Chocolate at hospital, just saying hi.

We have so much to be great full about

Just find it and live it

And those BlackBerry chats from Cape Town and Philadelphia

Thanks

When is enough really enough!

So it’s interesting travelling through all the small towns and villages during the trip and spending time with the local people and communities. I have learnt so much. I have seen that us people from the cities have forgotten what life is about.

We (city people) have this ‘gather syndrome’, we have to gather so called ‘wealth’ in the form of cars,property, the right colour credit cards and anything else that the Jones’ have. Then spending time in rural South Africa I am learning that there is a different view of wealth.

As I sit in this small local Restaurant in Brandfort in the freestate and I look outside and see how proud the people are with what they have and with who they are. The community is making it work, Everybody is working and making a better life for themselves and the family and the community. The Afrikaans restaurant owner that is also the chef and the husband of the Russian waitress is proud of the community and shared with us the history of the town. The local people are all supporting them. In the other corner of the restaurant was four local business men, also enjoying lunch and planning the next business transaction.

Outside people are walking and kids are playing in a very peaceful environment. It is clear that people are proud of the town as there was no to rubbish laying around. If I look at our bigger cities, where we are all chasing that thing called wealth, we don't even see the mess we live in, or we just say "Can't someone clean it up" as we are too busy or too important to actually make a difference.

I have learned from the people that we are in a situation that might not be our ideal dream life but at least we should make it the best life we have. Not just for ourselves as individuals but also for the people around us, like family and the community.

If we all can just accept our personal situations and try to improve what is around us, this place we live in will be such a better place.

So I have learnt, by just taking time and making real peace with what we have. It is really great we do not always have to be better than anybody we just need to be a better self.

We need to have our own inner Peace!

It makes me think of the immortal words of John Lennon.

“Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one

I hope some day you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people sharing all the world

You, you may say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one

I hope some day you'll join us

And the world will live as one”